Cooking: “NIBIRUIAN ANUNNAKI CHALUPA”!!! AKA: The Havarti, Cream Cheese, Tortilla, Melty Thingy!!!

This will change your life… So, about 2 ½ years ago I needed a hand with a dinner menu. I was having a collector over for supper, along with his wife and family. (Anything to sell a piece) I had a first and third course down already but I needed a “Betweeny”. Something simple, creamy andyummy to sit between a grilled Caesar salad smothered with sweet grilled cinnamon shrimp and a lobster/ crab stuffed, poached, grilled, spanked and loved salmon puck thingy. Mmmmmmmmm. “HELP”!  I said to my brother on the phone. “Any suggestions oh wise one of the kitchens?” Without batting an eye, my brother threw out the recipe for a creamy delight that has changed my life forever. So Simple, Delightful, Elegant this recipe from my brother was. It was as if he had channeled the ancient Sumerian tablets containing the recipes of the Gods. The same ancient Anunnaki culinary language only 250 people ever to walk the earth could translate. One such person and “Channeler” was Zecharia Sitchin. He was largely responsible for the disclosure by the US government of the possible existence of Nibiru! “Planet X”! He spoke of the culture, the arrival of the “Gods”, how all humans in their current form are simply a DNA experiment and of course, THIS legendary celestial dish. It is a tragedy he never saw it’s rebirth on planet earth. I now believe my brother is one of those 250 “Channelers”. Soon, you will as well.  This dish stole the show at my party. Thanks Bro…

Earliest known depiction of the Nibiruian Anunnaki Chalupa being shared with the humans.

As usual though, after 2 1/2 years of messing around with any dish, it grows into something ridiculous. I have added a few optional toppings to this one over the years. Basically the recipe remains the same at its core, so play with what you wish as yummy toppings. I like to Turbo charge it a bit and turn it in to the ultimate movie munchies. It can be a perfectly classy main dish as well. Kind of like pizza. There is the kind you can eat with a bib and the kind you delight on while wearing a bow tie. Have fun!!!

The goods: (Basic recipe) 2 12” tortillas 4.5Oz Havarti cheese (With dill for some added zing) 4.5Oz Philly cream cheese (the real stuff) 2 minced garlic cloves. (Can be thin slices to taste) 1 package Nova Scotia smoked lox (Or whatever) A few dashes of an infused olive oil with basil, dill, oregano, garlic… (Not rocket science))

Additional baked toppings: (Yummy additions) This is the first part where you can play… 2 pineapple rings (Fresh is best, canned works fine) 1 hand full of super thin sliced red onion 1 handful of super thin sliced red and yellow pepper 1 handful of super thin sliced red tomato 2 paper thin sliced mushrooms 1 handful of ultra-thin sliced carrot 1 dram of creativity

Additional cold toppings: Stuff to pile on while plating… 1 thin sliced avocado 1 handful of thin sprouts Chives (Cute little ones) A bit of lime juice slice of lime on the side

In the kitchen:

Crank up the oven to about 350. (While this is going on, let your cheeses get to room temp.) Take out two tortillas and put them on a baking pan. Place them in the oven for only a few minutes. Like maybe 8. What you’re looking for is a consistent golden toast. After the first 4 minutes or so, I flip them over to get the other side. YOU DON’T WANT CRISPY!!!! Just a touch of firmness to the skin is all. They will be going back into the sauna later, so easy does it. Yank out to cool then.

Cube up the Havarti and Cream cheese in a bowl. Add minced garlic. (A few tiny chives can be good here)MIX IT UP!!!! If the cheese is too hard, a few seconds in the wave machine can soften it up. You want thick oatmeal like consistency. Chunky is good. Like cream cheese coated little chunks of Havarti goodness. Mmmmmm…. Spread this over the tortillas. Don’t overdo it. It’s nice to have some golden tortilla poking out here and there. Just spread it out to taste.

Next, start to build! I first place thin, thin, thin, slices of lox in a star fish or spoke pattern around the cheese. Throw on a few wisps of onion and mushroom. Sprinkle with the red and yellow peppers. Dabble with the tomato!  Place random slices of pineapple on top and drizzle a bit of that infused olive oil for fun.

Pop this in the oven to bake. Gestation times may vary depending on your altitude and decadence with the toppings. I find about 11-18 minutes just gets that slight crispy, yet golden creaminess to the cheese, and keeps the tortilla from getting too crisp. This is not a nacho mind you. You want it to be goldenly and bubbly and crispy!  Mmmmmm. Smells good…

Out of the oven and on to the chopping block. Cut each into fourths. Drizzle infused olive oil and lime juice on plate. Place two slices on plate. Top with sprouts, carrots, chives and garnish with avocado and lime slices. I also like to drizzle more oil and lime on top. (Shameless)

Yield: 4 small servings. (Unless there is a good alien movie on. Then it serves one!)

There you have it. Why the “Nibiru Anunnaki” name? I truly believe my brother channeled an Anunnaki chef from the planet Nibiru (planet X) on its last pass through our solar system. This recipe had to have been more than 3,600 years old as planet X has a wide orbit. The last time it made a pass; it devastated north East Asia and buried Atlantis under 80 meters of water nearly 3,600 years ago! Now, I know my brother is not 3,600 years old! HOW my brother was able to rescue this piece of stellar culinary history will puzzle me for a life time.  Enjoy! And thanks Jon! This one has been a hoot…

Keep your pans greased ya’ll!!!